The last week I have been examining myself severely. Trust you me there are a lot of things I have seen by the grace of God that has made me feel ashamed. As hard as it is to confess these things I have seen that I have unforgiveness in my heart, bitterness in my soul, hurt that just gets stronger every day, the feeling of rejection that just cripples me, depression that sometimes takes over my daily life, and so so so much more. However instead of being upset…..I am glad God has shown me these things. This year my resolutions are to talk more with God, to walk with him daily and let him know about every aspect of my life. To cling to him like no other. To pray for our leaders more, to depend less on me and way way m0re on him. To read my bible daily with0ut fault. To learn to speak his word over my life and the lives of my loved ones. Some peopl who know me think…”well she does that….” Well I use too faithfully but I allowed life and the enemy to step and steal from me. I was fighting mountains in 2015 and dealing with hateful words from loved ones, I allowed shame to be thrown on my porch, allowed myself to think that I could solve problems that were out of my control. And by doing that I lost my site, I lost my footing. However I serve a gracious God who never left my side one time. he was always patient and kind, and renewed his grace every morning….and his forgiveness is just mind blowing to me. He loved me through it all. Nehemiah 1:4 So it was when I heard these words that I sat down and wept, and mourned for many days: I was fasting and praying before the God if heaven.” I have learned three things this week……
1. Faith is for you to know that there are no alternate routes, no way out….nothing you can do and you simply give it to God and let go and let him do the impossible. Even when you can see it he is doing his it.
2. A crisis, a trial, a unbearable mountain is a privilege even when it doesn’t feel like it. It is a chance for a deeper walk a deeper understanding, a chance to get to a deeper realm to see God’s awesome working powers if you only hang on to his nail scarred hand.
3. I have to stripped down to nothing in my prayer life…..be real….be honest……let the bitterness go, let the unforgiveness go, let all the hurt go, rejection, depression and allow God’s healing power, His sacred blood, His unconditional love begin to mold me and help me make a life worthy of a sacrifice to the King of Kings.
His Servant Always,
Darlene
