Job 19:25-26    “I know my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God.”

Yesterday I went up to the hospital and spent time with my precious Uncle Donnie and Aunt Patty. As I was there the doctor came in and said there was nothing else that they could do for him and that they were going to send him home with hospice. Inside my heart was crushed, tears overwhelmed my soul. My Uncle Donnie and Aunt Patty has been like a second mom and dad. I looked over at my Aunt Patty and seen the pain, the hurt, the questions, the disappointment, the confusion in her eyes. They have served the Lord for many many years why did her Father not heal her dearly beloved husband.

Then I got on Facebook and look at my cousin’s Brenda’s page, who is also one of my dearest friends and seen her pain. Her questions. Her  quote was……”feeling heartbroken & and full of anger and I keep asking why, where is his miracle along with my uncles that are sick don’t these men that serve our God deserve a miracle, and before anyone says it “don’t question” and “have faith” I don’t want to hear it….” What do you say in moments like these? The pain my family is ensuring is gut wrenching, heart breaking…..and it seems to be settling in our hearts.

Then after the doctor had finished speaking I looked over at my Uncle Donnie last night he held my hand and he said “Turtle, it is just one thing after another isn’t it.” I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is still waiting on his miracle. In so many ways my Uncle Donnie reminds me of Job. Although he has no idea why he has endured this pain, or sickness, or hurt…..he still has faith in His God. He knows God is alive and in the miracle business. He also doesn’t think God has delivered all this pain and sickness in His life…… However, he does know that God will be the one who redeems him. Through all of his cancer treatments and all of his struggles my Uncle maintains his trust in His unfailing and loving God. Even though he might not understand He still acknowledges God is God.

BUT IT STILL HURTS!!!!! WE STILL QUESTION WHY OH WHY GOD CAN YOU NOT SPEAK THE WORD AND HE BE HEALED?

Watching my Uncle Donnie and Aunt Patty deal with this struggle has made me remember the story of Paul……..Paul prayed and prayed for God to remove his thorn from his side. However, God’s simple answer was……” My grace is sufficient for you.” We all know God has not promised us life indefinitely here on earth, but he has promise grace and strength to endure all things. And although we as humans second guess God’s motives or answers sometimes to our prayers… God is God and he has a perfect plan. Yes our family has prayed and prayed for his healing…and doubting not that our God would do it for such a wonderful, graceful, and loving man…..but yet in the end we hear the words…”there is nothing else we can do…..” we lost…….or did we?????

Heavenly Father I come to you today broken, simply heartbroken for my family. Dealing with the thought of not spending one more day with my Uncle, or their dad, or grandpa, their brother, or loving husband is completely overwhelming…….indescribable pain. We want so much to process this whole situation through the filter of your love. But it hurts, it’s not fair……..We just don’t understand……Help us to rest in knowing that you are holding Uncle Donnie’s hand through all of this. Help us keep in mind that trusting you doesn’t always mean we get the answers we want to prayer. Your ways are perfect and your ways are not ours. Remind us of this through the next moments…..days…months…….Remind us that you are in complete control and that you will give us the strength to look to you!!!!! Strengthen my Uncle Donnie and remind him daily…..You are with him always……. I love you Lord…… and I am still trusting and praying for you to heal a very precious man in my life, my Uncle Donnie.

Forever your servant

Darlene