Have you ever asked yourself this question? Well I have recently. Getting up out of bed is a struggle. So many people look at me and think I have it all together and they see a smile on my face, but inside I am broken. Inside I am questioning so many things. This season in my life I am filled with hopelessness, emptiness, sadness that seems unbearable. I have been diagnosed with “major depression disorder” and them words alone makes me feel like I am a failure and I have let God down in some way.  I feel my life is crumbling around me and it hurts because I should not feel this way.

This morning I woke up with the weight of the world just crushing my chest. I have four beautiful children, and grand children that make my world beautiful, I have a husband who loves me with and endless love, and a Savior who bottle every single tear and walks with me every day. So why on earth do I feel this way.

I have prayed and cried out to God and ask him to help me get a brighter vision, to foresee a future that is joyous. I quote Psalm 43:5 Why am I sad? Why an I so troubled? I will put my hope in God, and once again I will praise him, my savior and my God. However all I hear is quietness. I told the Lord that I have always been an outgoing person with a personality that lights up a room thanks to him. But these days my life and heart is completely overwhelmed.

I have quotes promises that “tears may last for the night but joy comes in the morning.” But it seems like I am so deep into this pit of sadness it seems so hard to see God bring joy back. So people have told me “this to shall pass”, but seriously in the middle of this trial I am going through, this spiritual battle that is bringing to my rope’s end them words just bounce off.

Then yesterday as I laid in bed I thought about the mothers who wonder how they are going to feed their children, I thought about the ladies who have lost the loves of their lives, I thought about the precious people fighting cancer everyday with hope of a cure. Then I wondered with all these real problems why should I be the whiner.

This morning I read the scripture: Revelation 2:14 He will wipe away all tears from their eyes. There will be no more death, no more grief or crying or pain. The old things have disappeared. I so look forward to that day.

So today I ask God’s people to pray not only for me but for all those who are suffering from any kind of depression disorder. This is a real thing and a life struggle. However I know with everything in me that God gives the greatest battle to his greatest soldiers. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the God I serve is in the healing business.

Thank You God for Your Grace!!!!