I remember as a teenage girl being lost, feeling unloved, feeling invaluable, feeling worthless, not pretty, not needed, just an overwhelming feeling of having no place in the this world. Then I had a very brief moment thinking I was the center of someones world. I remember my first husband telling me these words…….I will build my world around you, and no one will ever hurt you.” Lie Lie Lie…….he built a world aright a prison. He was a very abusive man physically and mentally. The things that happened to me at that time in my life had literally made my love for life die. My heart was so cold that I remembering wishing that when he would go to the store to get more liquor that he would stumble out in front of a truck, awful I know……

I remember wondering why I had to endure such pain. Why someone would treat me so bad. I was a good girl, I was a good mom, a good wife, why did I deserve to be treated so awful. I remember crying in a corner after one of my husbands bad nights…..wiping the blood off, putting ice on my arms and stomach, asking God to please make this stop.

Completely by the grace of God,  I am here to tell you today……..REALIZE YOUR WORTH!!!!!!!! Although I made huge mistakes in my life made some very bad decisions God choose to reach down a show me mercy. To love me when I did not love myself.  It took many many years to realize that I was the apple of Jesus eye. Even though I endure such pain at the hands of a man who was supposed to love me, I survived. I grew. I learned. Through the love of my Savior I realize today that I am priceless. That I beautifully and wonderfully made. My God has gave me a double dose for all my trouble, and gave me a purpose, a calling, a ministry….it could be summed up by Isaiah 61:1-7 (The Message)

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me
    because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
    heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
    pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
    a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies—
    and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
    give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
    a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness”
    planted by God to display his glory.
They’ll rebuild the old ruins,
    raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They’ll start over on the ruined cities,
    take the rubble left behind and make it new.
You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks
    and foreigners to work your fields,
But you’ll have the title “Priests of God,”
    honored as ministers of our God.
You’ll feast on the bounty of nations,
    you’ll bask in their glory.
Because you got a double dose of trouble
    and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
    and your joy go on forever.

God took the pile of rebel I created and turned it into a Sanctuary for Him. All it took was me coming to the point in my life where I had to just go to the throne room and have a one on one talk with the King. I let Him know I was sorry, sorry for stepping outside his will for my life. Sorry for not allowing Him to fill that void in my heart as a teenager. Sorry for trying to fill it with things of this world. Sorry for causing other people heartache in the process. Basically I came to the end of me and started letting God be God.

Through all of the sadness and hurt of them years spent with my first husband I have realized that good did come from it. Funny huh??? I can now be a woman who can reach out to others in the same or similar situations. Proclaim hope to women who think they are in hopeless situations. Proclaim deliverance from things such as depression, and no self worth, unforgiveness, etc…… I can minister to them by giving them a testimony of praise to the King of Kings for delivering me. I am more compassionate. I now look at others rather they are the abused or the abuser and be able to pray for them. However the biggest thing I have learned is that when you let go and let God have control of your life things are changed. Your sadness is turned to joy, your tears are turned to laughter, your pain is turned to strength, and your overworked mind and heart is finally able to feel peace.

So no matter what you are going though to today. Just remember that through your trials and through your test you will come out stronger, and better if you allow God to work his perfect work in you!!!!! He will take your bad decisions and make something wonderful out of it if you allow him to mend you and allow him to fill the void that you tried to get someone else or something to fill.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, we are a broken people. We so often tend to try to make our own decisions and plans that so often turn out bad. However we are also very loved. I thank you for loving me and helping me take the bad decisions i have made and turn them into stepping stones of a brighter future. I pray that the ladies who read this realize that they too have a gracious God who is ready and willing to forgive them and mend them and fill the void in their lives that they have tried so hard to fill. Let them realize that you can take ashes and make something beautiful. i thank you now for what you are going to do in their lives. I love you Lord.

In Jesus name, Amen