“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Philippians 4:11

Tonight a very new and dear friend taught a lesson on a woman named Hannah. In 1 Samuel, Hannah was a woman who was barren, childless. In those days being childless was a big deal. Actually it was grounds for divorce, in those days. Well as my friend was teaching I could not help but thinking back into my past on my barren years. When I met my husband, Paul, in 1995 we told each other we just wanted to be friends. Well we became extremely good friends. LOL Well for ten years we tried so hard to have a child of our own. And I remember every month being completely heartbroken when I would realize that, well our dream has not yet came true. To add insult to injury on my doctor visit in 2012 i heard  the words that knocked the breath and  life out of me…..”you and your husband may never have a child….”Oh my, the hurt…..the hurt them words brought to my life.

The next year I just survived, I just took one step, one very slow step at a time….my heart was shattered at the thought of never having another child. Although I had my little girl, that I love very very very much, whom I was very thankful for. My dream was always to have two children. I was just so angry on how God could give people children that could even provide for them, but he wouldn’t give me and my husband another one.

Well in 2004 I was feeling sick. Every smell made me sick.  So I ran to the store and got a pregnancy test, and yes ….oh yes I was expecting!!!!!! AWWWW the joy that filled my life. My heart was missing beats I was so excited. Well after the initial shock wore off my husband and I started to prepare our new bundle of joy.

Then devastation hit…….at almost 4 months the news came that we had miscarried. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had no feelings, I was completely numb. I lost my zeal, my smile, my joy…..gone. The next couple of months I would just cry. I questioned God….oh did I ever question God. How could he give me something that I wanted so dearly and then allow it to be stripped away. How coud he?? There is no way a loving God would allow such hurt to come upon a daughter that he claimed he loved so dearly.

Well by the grace of God and the prayers of his people I came out of the dark place in my life and continued on my journey. Somedays the enemy would try to sneak up and have me remember the pain, the loss, BUT I CHOSE LIKE HANNAH…….TO POUR MY HEART OUT BEFORE GOD>>>>ALLOW HIM TO FILL ME WITH HIS PEACE!!!!!! I remember the day that God filled my heart with his peace…I was visiting my Aunt Bert in the hospital and she was asking me how I was doing. She told me that one day God will bless me with another child, just be patient, it will happen in his time. I looked at her and smile and at that moment God filled me with complete peace…..I said rather God gives me a baby with Paul or rather he chooses not to I will continue to serve him until he comes to get me. He knows whats best and I trust him. If he says my precious daughter is all I need than I am okay with that. I am content with my family he has blessed me with.

I believe that was the day that God knew that I was content in just loving him. I believe I made him smile that day because I was content with what he had already blessed me with. A wonderful daughter who looks just like her mother. Who loves me with her whole heart. Who thinks I hung the moon and stars, and wants to grow up to be just like me. Plus I have a husband who loves me to the utmost. Who would give anything to see me smile. Who would always be there no matter what. A man who was willing to lay down a life of sin to walk a life of honor before the Lord and be a Godly example to his children and me. To be my strength when I am weak, to be my best friend.

Well to make a long story short on August 17, 2004 I found out that I was expecting. God had given the best birthday gift ever……He is so good. So remember that even though we may not get every thing we ask for, we still have all we need, and much much more!!!! Be content in what you have, be content with who is in your life. Be content with all things and that is the moment that God with bless you with an abundance of things.

Prayer:

Lord, you are so good to us. Give us strength to be content, to be thankful for what you have blessed us with. So many people in this broken world are not content with their jobs, their closets full of cloths, their families, their bank accounts, their cars, etc…….I pray that we realize that these are all blessings given from you…and that the only thing that our hearts should be longing for is more more and more of you………

One of my favorite choruses is:

I need You more / More than yesterday / I need You Lord / More than words can say / I need You more / Than ever before / I need You Lord / I need You Lord /

May that be our prayer today…….

God bless