An extremely rough evening. 7:30 phone rings asking me to accept a collect call from North Central Regional Jail. I do. And I hear my little girl crying her heart out because she has loss all hope. I couldn’t help no matter what I told myelf I fall completely apart. My tears were usstoppable even now as I write myh heart is aching. I hate drugs, I hate the devil, and I am mad at so called friends who enabled her to do drugs. Knowing that it is a very high probablity that I wi…ll not be able to hug my daughter or kiss her chick for a veryn long time is such an awful feeling. It hurts!!!!! As I cried tonight she kept saying mom im sorry im so sorry, please dont cry. nBut no matter her words tears were flooding my face. I can see her at seven getting ready to go to church with Grandma Phyllis, and remember her telling JP and I, come on to church with me mama. I remember seeing her smile light up the church choir when she would sing worship. I remember watching her so gracefully dance on our church dance team……..Then I can remember hearing for the first time, “your daughter is doing drugs”. My hurt broke that day and it has been breaking more more as the days go by. But honestly the brokeness I feel this eveing is none other. Where did I go wrong? Didn’t I show her that I loved her? Did I give her enough attention? Why couldn’t I fix her and or help her enough before this? Tonight as I sat and read my devotion…….it was about sitting still. (still your heart) I just can’t seem to sit without crying in God’s precense. Then at the end of my devotional it said “ssit still and ask God any question, then wait for the answer no matter how long it takes. However to be honest my heart, emotions, and mind were out of contr All of them bits of wisdom I shared with hurting moms, all them treasured words of God I would repeat and pray over my friends….it was coming so hard to do it to me. A firery trial has fell on my front porch, hurt has landed in my house, pain has stole my smile…….thats when I realized……You are loved too Darlene, yes I heard his still small voice in my heart. It is okay to hurt, okay to cry, okay to angry, as long as I remember whose child I am and know that he has great plans for me and my entire family, including my little girl. Please remember us in your prayers, and pray in the gap for my little girl Clarissa.