Sitting here tonight realizing that have lost my babygirl……my little girl is gone….the baby girl I held in my arms while whispering words of wonderful Christ filled hymns of the Lord.. Gone is the little girl whose fingernails I would paint a pretty pink and you and would sing out favorite song…..I 💕love you!,,, You ❤️ me we are happy as we …..well……oh my heart is so heavy………But Gone for now are the dreams I had for your life as I watched you walk into your kindergarten room on the first day of school. Dashed are the hopes that swelled up in my heart when I saw you sing in your school’s choral concerts, as you went on your first date, as you walked down the aisle with your high school diploma in hand. How could I fathom I was watching you march toward the devastation called addiction? I just don’t understand Clarissa Adkins why you won’t let us help you……… I remember when they had to life flight you to Pittsburgh because your addiction almost swept your life away………I soon discovered it wasn’t just heroin — you relied on meth and prescription pills to numb your insecurities and life’s pain. I thought I could fix you fix your problems….I thought it would be simple. I had no idea what our family was up against…..the battle was going to tear some of family seems apart …..it would be and all at war!!!! my heart is breaking…..it shattered when I realized maybe this drug will snatch your life away. If that would happen……..my life would never ever be the same without you!!! I have seen you turn into a liar and master manipulator. You’ve learned how to twist and turn facts and situations to where we are hanging onto your life the string of hope you dangle in front of us. In the beginning, we gave you money, bailed you out of drug-induced debt, gave you rides — always giving you the benefit of the doubt because we thought you were on the road recovery. We later learned that what we were doing was called enabling. 😭
Losing you to the drugs has been like experiencing a death to me— the grief has been overwhelming. I tell you this, but you look at me expressionless, worried about your next hit. If I could sit by you while you’re using, I would tell you what each syringe does: This dose will send your mother into despair and fits of sobbing; your next hit will throw your father to his knees as he cries out in pain, “What did I do wrong?”; the next will saturate your little brother’s pillow with tears of anguish, fear and disappointment; You’ve lost your license, your car, your house and good friends. I honestly don’t know where I will go But until the day I die, I will fight to get you back and live the life I dreamed for you as you were growing up. And pray that you repent and follow your Heavenly Father

I love you, you love me, forever my baby you’ll be.

B