A Lord's Lady's Thoughts

1 Thessalonians  ^5:16 Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

The last few weeks have been a rough road. I lost a wonderful man in my life, serval of my other uncles are very sick, we had to move our mama back because her health is failing, tax season, work, baseball practice for the little one, dealing with wayward kids that are breaking my heart by their choices ……. Etc. everyday problems I am sure a lot of you deal with.

But I am also dealing with menopause…….oh my!!!! Not to mention it seems to be twice as bad when you are fighting bi polar depression on top of it. Some days I just hurt……plain out struggle to begin the day. To some of my friends this is hard for them to comprehend. They say things like, “you always look so happy!!” or “you are blessed, very blessed why do you feel this way?” How I wish I could explain but I can’t.

I read this scripture this morning and began to think and talk to the Lord and told him: “Lord I am truly thankful for you reaching down at my lowest point and saving my soul. I give you thanks for every mountain, every valley, every trial and every tear I have endured. I really don’t understand a lot of the times, but I know you know what you are doing…….your always before me, behind me, and walking right beside holding my hand. Help me Lord break these strongholds on my life, help me defeat this depression mentality. Help me understand that a chemical imbalance is a sickness…but how I react how I live and how my life reflects you through this thorn in my side is what you see and the world sees.”

Now I have down my research on this disorder like I do on almost anything my doctor diagnoses….LOL  and my research has describe this order as: Individuals who are bipolar will experience heightened euphoria and happiness, followed by drastic depression and guilt. While mood swings are the most common symptom, they are not the only symptom. And Bi Polar is a chronic disease. However there is 121 billion people around the world living with this daily. And I truly think so much of it is because we do not know how to live in a world that is sin sick. Now I understand some of it is chemical, but I also understand because I live with it daily is because we cannot look back at our past or our future and see a better life. We can’t see any relief, we feel only guilt about past mistakes. That’s why we as Christians who fitting this horrible disease needs to get the mentality that we are going to fight the good fight. Begin everyday thanking God for his provision, for salvation, for his mercy, for his love, simply thank him for never leaving you at your lowest level. Realize that we are a masterpiece with a few flaws that God will as he has promised to work out of us. It may be a rough road but all great things come from a battle that had to be fought with a heart of victory.

Heavenly Father, how I love you, how I thank you for being with me through all this bad stuff lately. My heart seems to be overwhelmed lately with heaviness and hurt, but I also know that you have a perfect plan and I know you have my hand. I pray for every single person that is fighting this disorder. I know they feel an overwhelming amount of guilt, hurt and loneliness, and pain as I do…….and that is why I pray that first and foremost their relationship with you will be their first priority. I pray for the mentality that they so desperately need to know how precious they are to you. How valuable they are to their Heavenly Father. I also pray that someone will be there to encourage them with your word so that someday they will live in perfect peace with a sound mind as you have promised. In Jesus name, Amen

I laid in bed last night and just whimpered unto the Lord. 9:43 pm God called his angel home.

My heart was truly broken. In our hearts we know our Dad, our brother, our husband, our grandpa, our uncle Donnie, and our friend is present with the Lord however the pain is still real. The hole it left in our hearts is still hurting. Our minds just question why? Our hearts just ache. Then I remember my Uncle Donnie how he embraced family, how he encourage each and every one of us. How he love is wife Patty. How he overwhelmingly adored his children and grandchildren. How he was a dad to us throughout the years. The love that he gave to all he met simple words could not even begin to explain ….the lives he encouraged, he changed, he invested in…….are innumerable.

So I do what I do best and wrote in words what my heart screams out…….I so love you Uncle Donnie!!!!!

My Uncle Donnie

God blessed me with a man, the greatest man in my eyes.

I was raised with him all of my days.

Then one day he got sick,

And God called him away.

I love him beyond measure….

And in my heart and in my life he will forever stay.

Continuing to encourage me,

And helping me every day.

He would want me talk about him like I have always done,

He would want me to remember the good times we had

The trips, the football games, the tag, the playtime….

He would want me to smile in his memory and not be mad.

He would want me to understand that although these final days

Has truly been a great test……

He would only want me to remember him

At his very very best.

My heart just aches, because a hero is hard to find

But this is the only title I could possibly give you Uncle Donnie…..

And I will find the courage and strength to carry on,

A life of Godliness, honesty and integrity that you have instilled in me.

So until we meet again on them beautiful streets of gold,

I will remember your smile, your grace, and love you gave to me.

And the day I finally see you again I will wrap my arms around you

And let you know how much I truly thank you for helping me become them the Godly woman I have come to be.

Love you always,

Your Sweet Little Turtle

As a mother raising children there are a lot of I told you so moments. As little children we say don’t touch that it hot…….but they do and we so loving say “Baby mommy told you so.” Then they become teenagers and think they know everything. They become their own persons, with their own view on life and the world. If your teenagers were anything like me………you are screaming……….No No No No No!!!!!! No to their group of friends that are destined to take them down the wrong road. No to their choice in relationships because the world today doesn’t truly understand love and commitment. No to giving them everything they want. No to their disrespectful attitude. Trust me I could go on and on.

As I sit today I know I have loving children, and I know in my heart they love us. However, there are days I do not like them and I wonder where they came from. I remember not too long ago crying to the Lord and asking him where I went wrong. I taught them right from wrong…….but I think they only heard they wrong God. Shedding tears desperately telling the Lord it hurts to see them walk down the wrong road to please their flesh…….. and knowing they are adults and I just can’t scoop them up and tell them stop.

In 1 Samuel 12 Samuel warned God’s people several times that were heading down the wrong road, that they were sinning against their creator. But they just wouldn’t listen to him at all. I’m sure at some point Samuel wanted to scream and say you better heed to my warning…..God is not a God who will deal with sin!!!! However he did not scream ……he didn’t yell (that I know of) he simply spoke words of grace, he told them they have taken the first step of acknowledging their sin …..now it is time to be a people that walks forward in the Grace of God!!!! Not to be overcome with guilt but to take one step at a time and following the word of God.

This chapter of God’s holy word gives me the strength I need to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that my children have heard God’s word and it will not come back void. They will realize their sin one day……and I pray that I will be the example Samuel was and not yell “ I told you so”….but to loving tell them that their Father in heaven has forgiven them and now it is time to forgive their selves for their bad choices and begin to walk forward in God’s grace.

Heavenly Father today I come to you asking you to poor the power of your conviction on every one of my children’s hearts and even my own heart today. Help us see our sin, and forgive us. Please give my children the strength to acknowledge you as Lord of their lives and begin a walk that will blow their minds with you.

In my precious Saviors name, Jesus

Darlene

Job 19:25-26    “I know my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God.”

Yesterday I went up to the hospital and spent time with my precious Uncle Donnie and Aunt Patty. As I was there the doctor came in and said there was nothing else that they could do for him and that they were going to send him home with hospice. Inside my heart was crushed, tears overwhelmed my soul. My Uncle Donnie and Aunt Patty has been like a second mom and dad. I looked over at my Aunt Patty and seen the pain, the hurt, the questions, the disappointment, the confusion in her eyes. They have served the Lord for many many years why did her Father not heal her dearly beloved husband.

Then I got on Facebook and look at my cousin’s Brenda’s page, who is also one of my dearest friends and seen her pain. Her questions. Her  quote was……”feeling heartbroken & and full of anger and I keep asking why, where is his miracle along with my uncles that are sick don’t these men that serve our God deserve a miracle, and before anyone says it “don’t question” and “have faith” I don’t want to hear it….” What do you say in moments like these? The pain my family is ensuring is gut wrenching, heart breaking…..and it seems to be settling in our hearts.

Then after the doctor had finished speaking I looked over at my Uncle Donnie last night he held my hand and he said “Turtle, it is just one thing after another isn’t it.” I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is still waiting on his miracle. In so many ways my Uncle Donnie reminds me of Job. Although he has no idea why he has endured this pain, or sickness, or hurt…..he still has faith in His God. He knows God is alive and in the miracle business. He also doesn’t think God has delivered all this pain and sickness in His life…… However, he does know that God will be the one who redeems him. Through all of his cancer treatments and all of his struggles my Uncle maintains his trust in His unfailing and loving God. Even though he might not understand He still acknowledges God is God.

BUT IT STILL HURTS!!!!! WE STILL QUESTION WHY OH WHY GOD CAN YOU NOT SPEAK THE WORD AND HE BE HEALED?

Watching my Uncle Donnie and Aunt Patty deal with this struggle has made me remember the story of Paul……..Paul prayed and prayed for God to remove his thorn from his side. However, God’s simple answer was……” My grace is sufficient for you.” We all know God has not promised us life indefinitely here on earth, but he has promise grace and strength to endure all things. And although we as humans second guess God’s motives or answers sometimes to our prayers… God is God and he has a perfect plan. Yes our family has prayed and prayed for his healing…and doubting not that our God would do it for such a wonderful, graceful, and loving man…..but yet in the end we hear the words…”there is nothing else we can do…..” we lost…….or did we?????

Heavenly Father I come to you today broken, simply heartbroken for my family. Dealing with the thought of not spending one more day with my Uncle, or their dad, or grandpa, their brother, or loving husband is completely overwhelming…….indescribable pain. We want so much to process this whole situation through the filter of your love. But it hurts, it’s not fair……..We just don’t understand……Help us to rest in knowing that you are holding Uncle Donnie’s hand through all of this. Help us keep in mind that trusting you doesn’t always mean we get the answers we want to prayer. Your ways are perfect and your ways are not ours. Remind us of this through the next moments…..days…months…….Remind us that you are in complete control and that you will give us the strength to look to you!!!!! Strengthen my Uncle Donnie and remind him daily…..You are with him always……. I love you Lord…… and I am still trusting and praying for you to heal a very precious man in my life, my Uncle Donnie.

Forever your servant

Darlene

You keep track of all my sorrows.     You have collected all my tears in your bottle.     You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8 NLT

Hard days sometimes just take every little bit of energy to get through. I look around my family this week and my heart just hurts. My dearest Uncle Donnie is fighting cancer and I just want to scream why???? It hurts to see him suffer day by day, and it crushes my heart to hear my Aunt Patty say….”Lord just let me spend a little more time with him.” These are the moments just seem unbearable, unjust, questionable. These are the moments I just don’t understand.

So today I read Psalm 56:8 and realized ……. Yet once again that God is watching, God is collecting every tear and every moment of His children’s lives and recording the in His wondrous book. Although this time in my family’s life seem unbearable and unfair we do not walk alone. For He hath known the way with us…….Job 23:10 He knows every single aspect of our lives and he is just and he loves us enough to never every let us walk alone through these times.

Heavenly Father thank you so for walking with us through this difficult time. Our family has taken one blow after another…..and although we are knocked down we are not out, although we have been through the fire we have not been destroyed. Why???? Because of you. Thank you for giving us strength to face this time, thank you for the moments of laughter and the memories that will always be with us. And thank you so much for sitting next to my Uncle Donnie’s bed and never leaving his side. You are so good.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Today I realized that there are tons of weak spaces in my life. I am not too proud of them either. It seems like no matter how hard I try I just fal once again. Sometimes it is anger I speak a cruel word, them sometimes I pt my input in some gossip I am overhearing, and yes I have even caught myself starting gossip a time or two. However today I am declaring  I am………. I AM a child of the most high God, not a perfect child for sure but his little girl always. And I am declaring to start a brand new day of noticing such little behaviors such as them and take a step forward in not falling for the snares of the devil. Which is exactly what they are. Ask yourself something ? When you speak ill of someone does your conscience feel heavy and awful …..(Snare) When you repeat gossip d your get that sick feelin in your stomach….(Snare) If the devil has us so caught up in these snares how are we showing the world God’s light? God has so graciously showed me a few things today, and do not take them lightly. I AM GOING TO DO BETTER…..I AM VICTORIOUS, I AM AWESOMELY MADE….I AM ONE OF A KIND…..I AM STRONG…I AM A FIGHTER…..I AM A WOMAN OF GOD….I AM BEAUTIFUL…..I AM A SERVANT SO PROUD TO BE CALLED A FRIEND OF GOD…..
Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for coming to me in my quiet time and speaking to my heart. I know I have so many weak paces in my life that make your heart sad, and for that I am truly sorry. Please forgive me. Help me and the ones reading this to take sometime every morning and refill with your spirit so we can be one step in front of the snares f the devil. Not to say we might fall…..but falling is not a sin in its own…..staying there and wallowing in it s the sin knowing we have a redeemer a Savior who loves us so much that he does not want us to stay there. Give us strength to fight and open our eyes to the warrior inside of us……we love you Lord and we Praise you for being you…Holy and Just!!!!

In Jesus Name Amen

Do we believe Gsd words? I mean truly believe whole heartly His Word? 

Do we Give him our best, or just enough to get by?

Do make excuses for a lot of ourbehavior, instead of lining it up with His word ?

Do we live out God;s word. Do we love the unlovable, help the helpless, lead the blind, stand up for what is right even when it hurts ?

Do we send quality time with him …… Time thanking him for his for his goodness, for his mercy, or his forgiveness, for his unfailing love.

Do we stand in the gap for the lost. Do our hearts hurt knowing they are incomplete without him???

Do we begin each day with him, and end each evening telling him how thankful your are for his wonderfulness…..his goodness………

Do you lay down at night knowing that you made this word a better place by showing it the love Christ through  you?

SO just a few thoughts that crossed my mind this evening…….I think there is times in our lives we need to examine ourselves…..to become the servants God intended us to be we have to work diligently …… Slackers won’t make it, lukewarm will be sent away, playing the fense…..well the devil owns the fense……
A servant…..means to be sold out of  God. You have made a decision to be sold out ..you and you and you alone.no matter the cost!!!!!! 

Today has been one of these days where my mind, body and soul seems to be completely exhausted. I am tired of people’s lies, tired of being used, tired of half truths, tired of feeling guilty of standing up for what I think is right, tired of judgements that seem to come my way constantly. Weariness has seemed to stolen my last breath. If we were all honest I am sure we have all been there a time or two. Well I went home and laid down and mind began to race. Instead of resting I was totally allowing Satan steal my peace. Then I opened up my devotional and read the words……….

John 10:10 The thief comes only to kill, steal and destroy…. I came that they might have life and have it abundantly.

Them words just completely shook me to the core. I have read them many times, but tonight they had a totally different effect on me. I realized that the devil was totally trying to steal my faith with fear and weariness as his weapon. The fear of knowing how my kids lives would be affected by their choices, if they understood what they were doing, the fear of thinking people would believe lies about me. The word says that I should not be a house that houses fear, it diffently should not be a boarder in my house. But power, love and a sound mind should be walking the floors in my house. I started declaring that to the enemy that my past is erased by the blood of Christ. That the words of people should have no effect, because the Great I Am is fighting my battle. Declaring my strength is not found in me ….. But my strength comes solely for God. I declared freedom from guilt…… And declared that I am not a failure in Christ’s eyes but I am a learner. I am a child of the most High God and nothing…..absolutely nothing is going to make me turn around. Yes I have faults we all do, and yes I have bad habits……but I declared that I am trusting and standing with Christ and the victory is mine over every single one of them.

But the biggest declaration I made was…..I declare to you devil that I have a no exhaustible faith. I might get weary, I might get tired, I might even fall down with the breath knocked out of me……..But I am no quitter…….. I get back up…I keep on trying….I keep on walking. Because I know that I know that with one more step I get closer….closer to an enternty with my Heavenly Father.

Heavenly Father,

When the world gets me down and I begin to fill exhausted……from hearing on the television, newspapers, radio, and yes even out of your creations mouth about the victories of Satan…remind me that he has no victory…….  not really because your faithfulness your plan your destiny and your goodness and mercy always shines through. It may seem dark, it may even very well be dark……but joy …… Joy comes in the morning. Thank you for teaching me that I must persevere in the face of sorrow, in the face of tragedy, in the face of gossip, in the face of failure……. Thank you for your grace, for your strength and your mercy that endures forever. Lord, please I ask you keep my eyes open to your greatness, to your goodness, to your beauty all around me. Keep my mouth open declaring the Victory of your Son over all sin. Help me love those who seem unlovable, help me help those who hurt and take it out on me, help choose to be a servant who deserves  the honor to be called Your friend. I love you Lord…..with all my heart!!!!!

Darlene 

I am truly a people watcher. I love to watch people succeed and overcome. I remember the joy I had simply by watching my little girl and my little boy take their first steps. When they started to walk there were many times they would fall and I would run over to pick them up saying “Oh baby don’t be scared mama is here”. Soon they realized if I hold on to mommy I can do this. Then slowing I would slip my hand out and they would begin to take a few steps. Eventually they didn’t need my hand to help anymore they just took off like jets getting into everything. LOL However, to see them accomplish walking all on their own was priceless.

We are like that when we come to know Christ. I remember when I gave my life to him that August night in my bedroom. I simply told him that I wasn’t sure that I could do this…..but little did I know at the time that he was right the holding his hand out helping me take every step. Unlike my children though I still today reach out to him to help me walk daily. The battles that this day and time brings can sometime take the breath out of us, make us stumble, sometimes even fall. But like I did with my little ones when he hears his little ones hit the ground he comes running as soon as we cry “daddy”. He proclaims….

Isaiah 41:10 – Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

I have to admit that there are days that I simply can not take one more step. I can not face one more challenge. I am completely exhausted. However it is in them moments that I just breath a simple prayer and God gives me strength to do exactly what I need to do.

Heavenly Father,

There are so many times in our lives when it just gets exhausting, when walking with you seems to be a struggle. But Heavenly Father I am asking you today to help us remember where our strength comes. Help us remember that we are not walking alone. Help us not to fear, help rely completely and solely in you for guidance and help in our times of need. We praise you Lord for never leaving us alone….your a Good and Faithful God…..

Forever your servant,

Darlene

Every single parent has spent a night or two…LOL….. tossing and turning, worrying tremendously about finances, children, family, jobs, house chores, friends….etc….. Our minds race because we cannot see how things will turn out. Will I make enough this month to pay my mortgage? Will my mother make it through this surgery? Will my child be safe living in this sin sick world on her own? Will I ever be promoted? Sometimes falling asleep is tremendously hard to do.

However, God did not intend for it to be that way. Actually he has given us the answer to nights filled with the rest that our body, minds and hearts need in Job 11:18 “Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety.” Seriously where is our hope laying? Our hope should not in our spouse, its not in our jobs, its not in our family, our finances….it is completely or should be completely in Jesus Christ. He promised us if we would only look to the heavens and put our lives in his hands we will experience peace that surpasses all understanding.

I remember when my mom got her pacemaker in. That was a day that I will never forget. The doctors gave us very little hope of her coming out of surgery because her heart was so weak. I remember sitting on my moms bed thinking is this going to be the last words I say to her. I couldn’t say I love you enough. Then I begin to say a silent prayer asking God to help me…give me some peace knowing that if she does go home with him today that would not be such a bad thing she would healthy whole and happy. I said Lord I trust you…….. Trust you me it was a hard thing to do knowing that was my mama, but when I put my hope in him all my fears subsided. Anxiety and fear completely flees in the His presence.

Heavenly Father,

I know sometimes we allow this would to crowd our minds with fear and anxiety that makes us sick, that keeps us from sleeping. I pray that we learn to put our hope completely in you. Not ourselves or what we can do, but to place our lives, our children, our family, our everything in your hands. In Jesus name, amen